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Archive for May, 2012

Eat It.

Muwahahahaha!

I’m trying to get used to this. The “covering up of the lower half of my face while sprinting through a grocery store I used to be the produce aisle-goddess of” thing. The “not being able to step inside a restaurant after 5PM because it might possibly be bluefish/green pepper/anything-with-a-shell night” thing. The “can’t eat the perfectly delicious slab of eggs on my plate for breakfast ’cause suddenly they are the most vile creation and how could I have craved that just ten minutes ago oh my God I am going to throw up…..” thing. Oh, and the “by the way, now I’m crying ’cause I feel bad that you took the effort to make me a wonderful breakfast that I just rejected and retched all over the place which will result in you leaving me tonight while I nap on the couch ’cause I’m obviously RUINING YOUR LIFE so go ahead and do it and marry someone with no taste buds instead who will make you happy and not reject your organic, yellow-yolked farm-fresh egg creations” thing!

Yeeah. And I’m not really sure if I’m succeeding all the way.

Therefore, my little chickens,  instead of posting recipes that will cause me to gag (even if for a good cause), or elaborate through the detailed mechanics of said digestive reflex, I’m going to list all of the things I’m actually enjoying about being a pregnant foodie.  I’m thinking it’ll help my morale, amuse my readers and finally get a post on this page.

Feel free to bask in the stretch-mark preventing light of the following perks:

  • I can eat the following delightful creations hour after hour (and multiple times a week) without ending up with a body-snatching systemic condition that takes a month and a half and three bottles of cranberry extract to eliminate: Bananas! Yogurt! Cheese!  More bananas, yogurt and cheese!  Bananas sliced in a bed of yogurt and cheese! Bananas at three AM!  Cheese at five AM!  Yogurt anytime!
  • If a friend is raising money by selling dozens of homemade gluten-free cupcakes and zucchini bread I can buy them and eat them WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY or ashamed that this is paying for their yoga retreat weekend in which they will eat leaves for three days.
  • Restaurant servers are really, really nice about bringing  nachos to the table “right friggin’ now, please!….. and um, a plate of lemons (and a glass of water, no ice)”. Especially when you threaten to rip their stomachs out….or smile sweetly.
  • No one gives you a fit about eating constantly through any given activity, including but not limited to, continuing education classes, musical theater rehearsal, the process of giving a paying client a massage, and/or a church wedding with full Catholic Mass.
  • Consuming three cheese steak wraps in a matter of  two days is no longer looked at as weird, obsessive behavior or something a person off the wagon from OEA would do.
  • People suddenly look at your mid-section, not with disgust, but endearing curiosity. Mostly.
  • Drinking V-8 with anything is perfectly acceptable. Even chocolate. At 5AM.
  • No one thinks you’re being dramatic when you get to the top of 10 steps, clutch your chest and exclaim, “God, that made me hungry!”

and lastly…..

  • The beautiful little alien that is occupying so much space in your organ system and causing you to feel like an android  will one day look at you with eyes already halfway superior to their sockets and huff, “You are so weird,” and it will all be worth it. Bananas and all.

Cellina – The Hopeful (and ever growing) Foodie

PS: in searching for a pic of a “scary banana” I stumbled across images of the equally scary art subculture of banana carving. Here are some examples for your amusement/horror.

 

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